G.I.Joe 3 or hurry up and annouce it!

There is a third G.I.Joe on the way, I’m not being delusional here or have some form of wish fulfilment this is fact. The second one did okay business, enough to warrant a sequel, but not enough to strap a rocket to it’s production. But the fact remains, what will the third one be about? Movie sequels are all about escalation and going bigger. Die Hard 1 was set in a building, Die Hard 2 was in an airport and 3 had New York etc. So the third G.I.Joe movies needs to go bigger. If I was asked to write it, and lets be perfectly clear I have a better chance getting a high five from Emma Watson then writing a movie based on my favourite franchise, but here goes.

Firstly I’d tie up the loose end of Destro. I wont spoil the second movie for those who haven’t seen it, but lets say he’s fate is left undecided. I would dedicate the first opening few minutes to Destro’s private Army, the Iron Grenadiers rescuing him from his hole in the ground and getting the Baroness from her prison cell/ hospital where she was left in the first movie. Destro, left bed ridden would swear revenge on Cobra Commander, and using the Baroness’s grief for the loss of Duke, she would be the leader of his army, which include a gender swapped Scrap Iron.

Cobra would be reformed using the twins Tomax and Xamot, with the twins from the Serenity movie and their Crimson Guardsmen are planning another scheme for world domination, or at the very least have their own plan to wipe out Destro’s army for good. Throw new characters of Slice and Dice and Zarana and the Dreadnoks and you have a sizeable plot for a third movie.

The major plot would be Destro and Cobra planning a massive attack on each others bases, and the Joes, not wanting to live in a nuclear winter have to race and stop both leadership before their all out war can harm the planet and the population. The minor subplot would be Zarana wanting revenge on Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes for killing Zartan, now her father because why stop the changes. The Dreadnoks would just exist as bodies to be thrown around by the ninja duo and Zarana is spared, noting the cycle of revenge can be tough to break free. Kristian Nairn as Roadpig is some thing that should happen and quite frankly is a sham that it hasn’t already.

The overall theme of the movie would be “Look at the cost of revenge” the Baroness, wanting revenge for the loss of Duke, is willing to wage war on Cobra and end the lives of anyone in her way. Zarana would be willing to kill two strangers for her father in her grief. Slice and Dice would be the body guards of Cobra Commander and should be played by the two blokes from “The Raid” and would have the all important Ninja action quota sorted. The fight scene alone between Slice and Dice and Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes would be main selling point of the movie.

One the Joes side, there is really many new ones I’d want to add to the plot because it’s pretty full already. I’d bring back the original bunch, because why not and add Leatherneck, Zap and Slipstream. I’d settle for a gender swapped Cross Country and the H.A.V.O.C. vehicle in a pinch because you need to sell toys with the movie. What ever the movie plot is, I’m sure it’ll be decent, even if they want to shoe horn Matt Tracker from M.A.S.K for his own movie because why stop at remaking properties from the 80’s.

As of writing there is little hard evidence to go on about what will be in the new movie, which is a shame but understandable. Creating a movie is an incredibly long process which takes months, even years to create. The only reason it’s taking so long is that there are trying to figure out how to shoot the end credit sting where Serpentor is created by Dr Mindbender, setting up the vents for number 4. There is no other logical reason it can be.

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